And I’ll never be Asian…

Recently at work we were discussing Asian food. The topic moved quickly to fish sauce and was followed by some squished up faces, but oh no… not me. I’ve always loved American Chinese food but didn’t learn about other Asian foods, culture or beliefs until I moved to the Pacific NW.

Now I don’t claim to be an expert on Asians. I’ll leave that to the Asians but we do have a large Asian population here and I would have to thank my good friend, Yvette, for teaching me a lot of what I know. Most importantly how to use chopsticks and to be brave enough to try new things. The bottom line is I trust her enough that when she said, “try it. it’s good” that I did. I also have seen some of the most hospitable behavior and genuineness from her mother, who can cook like OMAG (oh my Asian goodness).

So anyway, I announced at work that I want to be Asian. I firmly believe there is an Asian somewhere inside me and I don’t say that because I am a large woman and most Asians are petite. I won’t even mention that I could probably house a couple of them in just my own being.  Part of me really does want to be Asian. I mean this. It’s sort of like when people with curly hair want straight hair and vice versa…. but different.

Anyhow, I wrote a song about it. I like to do that sometimes… write a song… or at least set my own lyrics to an already existing melody. Without further ado, please enjoy the masterpiece below. It is set to the tune of Lorde’s Royals. I call it… Asians.

I’ve never seen a balut in the flesh
I cut my teeth on sushi in the movies
And I’m not proud of my unslanted eyes, on my pale face
No western envy

But every song’s like gang star, saki, trippin’ at the noodle shop
William Hung, slippers, trashin’ the sentō
I don’t care, I’m binding my feet in my dreams
But everybody’s like America, blue jeans, tattoos on your lower back
Obamacare, traffic, Kardashians on TV
I don’t care, I’m not caught up in your American flare

And I’ll never be Asian
It don’t run in my blood
That kind of rice just ain’t for me
I crave a different kind of starch
Let me be your ruler, you can call me Wannabe
And baby I’ll rule (I’ll rule I’ll rule I’ll rule)
Let me live my life Asian-ly.

i'll never be Asian

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